CONVERSATION BETWEEN HYPOCHONDRICAL JEW AND CALMING AFRICAN AMERICAN WOMAN:
The following is a direct transcript from a phone conversation which took place recently:
HJ: Hi, this is Nellie Stevens. I’m a patient of Dr. Goldberg’s. Can I please make an appointment?
AAW: Sure, for what, honey?
HJ: A blood test.
CAAW: Oh, no. What’s wrong, girl?
HJ: I don’t know. I’m tired all the time, my energy is super low, and I just don’t feel like myself.
CAAW: Are you---
HJ: Nope, not pregnant. Already took a test.
CAAW: You drinkin’ your pomegranate juice?
HJ: Um, once in a while.
CAAW: Oh, no, baby. You gotta drink that every day. You need your antioxidants.
HJ: I get a lot of those. I’m a huge fan of blueberries.
CAAW: Not the same. Pomegranate juice. I’m telling you, girl. I was feeling like you. Tired day and night. Dragging. No time or energy for my man. Found out I had fibromylagia and arthritis. But the juice had all the answers. And my skin is like butter!
HJ: Oh. I was told juice had a lot of sugar. I try not to drink too much.
CAAW: What? Nah, girl! I’m no doctor, but it sounds to me like you need some time for yourself. A nice hot bath, a glass of pom juice, some jazz, and an early bedtime.
HJ: Well…
CAAW: Soul sistah, if we don’t take care of ourselves we are no good to others, you know?
HJ: Yeah, I guess.
CAAW: But like I said, I’m no doctor.
HJ: Yeah, who are you, by the way?
CAAW: Raeshawn.
HJ: Dr. Goldberg’s assistant?
AAW: Hell, no! I work for the answering service. The doctors are both on vacation until Tuesday.
HJ: What?
AAW: Oh, yeah. You wouldn’t get this kind of advice from those stressed out bitches!
HJ: Hmmm…I guess not.
AAW: Anyway, you want me to leave a message you called and need to come in for a test?
HJ: I’m gonna try the pomegranate juice and jazz.
CAAW: You go ahead, girl! And if you need any more advice or just someone to talk to, just call between the hours of 12 and 2 when they are at lunch and ask for Raeshawn, Operator 12.
J: Will do.
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