Drink A Pom And Call Me In The Morning...

CONVERSATION BETWEEN HYPOCHONDRICAL JEW AND CALMING AFRICAN AMERICAN WOMAN:


The following is a direct transcript from a phone conversation which took place recently:




HJ: Hi, this is Nellie Stevens. I’m a patient of Dr. Goldberg’s. Can I please make an appointment?

AAW: Sure, for what, honey?

HJ: A blood test.

CAAW: Oh, no. What’s wrong, girl?

HJ: I don’t know. I’m tired all the time, my energy is super low, and I just don’t feel like myself.

CAAW: Are you---

HJ: Nope, not pregnant. Already took a test.

CAAW: You drinkin’ your pomegranate juice?

HJ: Um, once in a while.

CAAW: Oh, no, baby. You gotta drink that every day. You need your antioxidants.

HJ: I get a lot of those. I’m a huge fan of blueberries.

CAAW: Not the same. Pomegranate juice. I’m telling you, girl. I was feeling like you. Tired day and night. Dragging. No time or energy for my man. Found out I had fibromylagia and arthritis. But the juice had all the answers. And my skin is like butter!

HJ: Oh. I was told juice had a lot of sugar. I try not to drink too much.

CAAW: What? Nah, girl! I’m no doctor, but it sounds to me like you need some time for yourself. A nice hot bath, a glass of pom juice, some jazz, and an early bedtime.

HJ: Well…

CAAW: Soul sistah, if we don’t take care of ourselves we are no good to others, you know?

HJ: Yeah, I guess.

CAAW: But like I said, I’m no doctor.

HJ: Yeah, who are you, by the way?

CAAW: Raeshawn.

HJ: Dr. Goldberg’s assistant?

AAW: Hell, no! I work for the answering service. The doctors are both on vacation until Tuesday.

HJ: What?

AAW: Oh, yeah. You wouldn’t get this kind of advice from those stressed out bitches!

HJ: Hmmm…I guess not.

AAW: Anyway, you want me to leave a message you called and need to come in for a test?

HJ: I’m gonna try the pomegranate juice and jazz.

CAAW: You go ahead, girl! And if you need any more advice or just someone to talk to, just call between the hours of 12 and 2 when they are at lunch and ask for Raeshawn, Operator 12.

J: Will do.



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